Neophyte seeking review

Neophyte seeking review

Postby Sheogorath » Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:21 pm

*Edited for read ability* Hello everyone, Sheogorath here and I’ve been working on little project I call only the lonely. Its small piece centering around three NPCs, Augustus Drake, Kathy, and Ava living in a tourist trap out on the dry plains named the Last chance. If by any chance these names ring any bells with you it’s because I posted some of it last year, before the forum reset. Due to this and some IRL issues, I haven’t had a chance to read the feed back from the community, which I would love to hear by the way. So without further ado, allow me to give you quick break down the NPCs, the basic plot, and some actual content. Oh, and please do keep in mind this is taken directly from Microsoft word, so it’s not in a coded format. Still once you guys are finished reading my piece over, I’ m hoping people might be able to answer a question I have which pertain to the next sections. Other than that, I hope you guys enjoy my work and look forward to hearing people’s thoughtful criticisms of my writing.

Drake: He is the first NPC people meet at the Chance and its current owner/guardian as well as Kathy’s mate. Initially he appears to the player as tall gun toting white human male in his late thirties. Upon closer inspection though, players will find Drake has a low level Manticore infection which has altered his eyes, scent glands, and increased his general size. I could tell you the story of how he got the infection, but I prefer to let Augustus speak for himself. (He tells it better anyways.) People can choose to forcibly finish his, TF turning him into creature I call the Primarch, an anthro fusion of the felinoid, feline, and Manticore strains. This will how ever piss him off and could lead to you being exiled from the chance if you’re not careful.

Drake’s quest: Should people talk to Drake they will learn he is in need of some med kits. He won’t tell you why needs them, but offers to trade two units of water plus food for every med kit you bring in. After three or four trades will Drake stop accepting them altogether. Explaining he really was looking for pediatric supplies and asks the player to check around the city for the aforementioned items. This leads player’s to Dr. Maeda who assuming you’ve done her quest happily hands over the supplies. All Players have to do then is return to Drake for their reward, a new gun.

Drake’s sexy times: Drake is a fuck able NPC, but as of this moment. Augustus is only sex able in his Primarch form, not his humanoid. During Sex with the PC, he is rough having no issue people pounding you against a wall, biting necks, or forcibly cumflating you after oral. (He uses condoms during ‘normal’ sex.) In the future if players get tired of this they can mallow out Augustus, but why would you want that?

Likes: gardening, history, animals, cooking, working with his hands, and being needed.

Dislikes: between 85-95% of the total human population, people who abuse animals and or the environment, anti-Americanism, fools, anyone who would harm Kathy or Ava. He especially hates seeing ‘baby’ Ava cry if you somehow manage to pull this off, RUN and serpentine!

Kathy: She is four foot five anthro lioness who is convinced she used to be circus animal and was up lifted by the nanite infection. Her age is unknown although Kathy believes herself to be between four and six years old. While I would like this to be true because I think it’s an interesting idea. Kathy is most likely a hybrid of human and animal (i.e. the janitor’s closet event at the college) or totally ass off bonkers. As according to what strips and Wahn told me no animals can be up lifted by the infection. Those that appear to have been are um… I’m going to say accidents?

Quest: As alluded to in Drake’s section, Kathy has desire to him transform into what she views as a proper mate. Should Players desire to help her out, they will be tasked with gathering five vials of felinoid nanites using the collector obtained from Zephyr or at the start of the researcher game type. Do this for her and you may open up sex scenes with her and Drake.

Lioness love: As with all NPCs in only the lonely Kathy is sex able. Most of her scenes are centered around BBW, preg, size play, Anthro on taur, and I am tempted to say hyper but that genre has a lot of over lapping tropes.

Likes: Kathy absolutely loves human food and some aspects of our culture, binge eating, being breed/stuffed, and being fawned over.

Dislikes: being told what she has to do without what she considers a valid reason, boring people, and pushy current/former humans. A word of warning, Kathy is smarter than you probably think. Therefore I suggest people pay very close attention to what she says, or you may regret it.

Ava: Ava is twelve foot tall (on all fours) margay tauress originating from the state fair. Now I know what some of you may be thinking after just reading that one sentence, so let me head people off at the virtual pass. No, Ava is not a tauric copy/remake of the margay mega kitty. She is not related to the mega kitty, nor does she know what the mega kitty is *stamps with the Daedric seal of the high house of madness*. In fact, I made her up before the mega kitty was announced. If you don’t believe me, ask strips. I had an enlightening conversation with the fellow a while back about how to improve my piece. O.k. preemptive rant over, ahem, age wise Ava is second or third gen mutant. Which I’d say puts her at around a month or two depending on when you find the chance and of course game type.

It is possible to get Ava’s unique infection, unique in that it works like a combo of Christy’s and Susan’s strains. However your character must be a female/neuter first. For fairness reasons though, people can obtain a bottle of milk from Ava that accomplishes just this once ever twenty four hours. F.Y.I, over use can lead to growing fourteen boobs and three giant five by two foot deep cunts…

Taur sex: Her orientation is lesbian ergo only pure females can play with her. Further most her content requires players have her margay taur infection. Simple scenes are still available but the real good stuff requires the margay taur infection.

Quests: Ava has several quests the player can complete for her, but like her sex scenes the majority requires the margay taur infection. The first quest she offers, which does not require her infection, is to retrieve magazines from news stand in high rise district. It’s a simple quest made even easier if you have gun. Once you complete this and have or acquire her infection, Ava will ask your female character if she wants to have kittens with her. While this would ‘normally’ necessitate one of you to grow a cock or seek a sperm donor, Ava is patently against both ideas though. At this point you can tell her idea is crazy and that will be the end of it. Or can you support this insane notion and go looking help. From here players are nudged to Maeda (again) who just so happens to be up to the task. Provided you can gather some infectious items for her first. If you can pull this, Maeda will perform an operation on you and Ava that enables you impregnate one another after consuming large amount of the others breast milk. Also if you happen to have the safe appétit feat while breeding with Ava there is chance she will acquire this perk. Once she does, you will be alerted, then have the choice to peruse vore content with Ava. There are no penalties if people decide against vore by the way.

Ava’s likes include Kathy and Drake, suckling, art, having a family, being read to, females, and a sense of belonging.

She dislikes most males/herms, violence, and being alone. Ava is also extremely distrusting of strangers especially if they are not females or neuters. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that in her experience males and herms tend to be the most rape happy. On that note, I should mention that Ava will not react well to repeated advances by males and herms. Press your luck and maybe good will happen. Though it’s more likely something akin to this http://youtu.be/uQIoQrm1rGs?t=10m8s will occur. Also you’re Chakravartin in that scenario not Asura, enjoy!

Only the lonely: Aimlessly journeying through the wild nanite enhanced grasses of the dry pains, you locate a stretch of road heading away from the city. Normally, this minor abortion would beneath your notice, were it no for the siren’s call of a still standing billboard advertising the Last chance. A motel, camping, and auto shop less than a quarter mile away. Enticed by the prospect of high end salvage, you head off without a second thought towards the potential treasure trove of supplies. The trek itself is unusually quiet, owing to the pronounced absence of life (nanite altered or otherwise) in immediate area. Coming upon the outskirts of a large walled compound, you quickly find out why. Here the ground scorched and pitted with hundreds of thumb sized holes, the majority of which have flakes of a dried crimson substance splattered around them. The traditionally all encompassing grasses have been beaten back not by hand, but by flame. Getting closer to the complex you see the walls are covered in claw marks as if something or one attempted to climb them. A fool’s errand you note, observing multiple types of razor wire have been installed along the perimeter. Standing on your toes, you spot what could best be described as an ad hock pill-box built atop of what assume you to be the hotel. Squinting, you spy the vague outline of a lone humanoid sniper; their weapon already drawing a bead on your chest is set up therein. Perhaps they were waiting for you to enter earshot you muse. Once your gazes’ meet, the marksman, their voice seemingly wrought from the unflinching cold of a moonless void yells, “Drop to your knees and hands behind your head mutant, unless you want me to paint the black top brain matter grey.” As they flip on an attached laser sight that locks on to your nasal arch. Having no choice but to comply, for you doubt you could survive a bullet in the head, you do as the gunner instructs. “Smart choice stranger, now what in the hell do you want!?” The rifleman demands. Feeling it would be better to be relatively honest with the other. You inform them of the signage you spotted a ways back and how thought you might do a bit of trading at the Last chance. A technically true statement so long as you replace the word trade with looting everything that isn’t nailed down that is.
Ruminating on your words for a moment, the other lowers their weapon saying. “Hm, alright then, if that’s the case maybe we can work something out. Come on, get up and head round front, I’ll let you in. But try anything funny-,” the fellow taps their rifle. Assuring them you mean no harm and are merely here to do some trading, you proceed, under the watch to the entrance of the Last chance. The aperture proper, a heavy steel gate fortified by a one foot thick cement wall. On the other side, you see the gunner, their heavy bolt-action rifle slung over their shoulder, sliding down a workman’s ladder propped up against the side of their perch. Able to get a better look at the other, you note they are about six foot six inches tall with an impressively built humanoid dressed in a white T-shirt, jeans, and black sneakers. Their skin is rich tan olive is complemented by well-kept black haired. He, judging from absence of breasts upon his craved chest and noticeable bulge in their pants appears purely male. At first glance, the man looks completely human, but as he strides over in an almost mechanically fashion to unlock the gate, you note the fellow’s sharp almond eyes are silted much like a hunting cat’s. Sliding back the gate he says, “Sorry about the tough talk kid, but with things the way they are right now, I can’t afford to be too carful,” nodding for you to enter. “Oh, name’s Augustus Drake by the way,” the other continues shutting the gate. While he locks it down, you take the opportunity to look the burg over. Given what you can see, the Last chance seems to be comprised of several buildings divided by a spacious parking lot. One, a fifties style two story tall motel, its walls painted a mallow beige is situated to the north. To the west is wooden walk way framed by a garden of various California poppies. In the eastern section is a small wilderness supply outlet joined with mechanic shop. No doubt intended as a lure for ill prepared vacationers who forgot to pack their hiking pants or unlucky truckers stuck out in the boonies. However, your sightseeing is brought to an abrupt end as Drake finishes sealing up the area saying, “Come on kid let’s talk in the lobby,” And walks off without listening for a reply. Deciding to follow along for the moment at least, you fall in step with Drake as he leads you to the motel. [Send the player to the Last chance lobby.]

Last chance lobby: The air here is stale smelling of a heady smoke, five tan leather seats are huddled up against the aft side of the room next to a 5x5 window pane. A carpet dyed light brown covers the floor, its surface pot marked by the trampling of innumerable visitors. The lobby’s egg shell white facades are decorated in yellowing letters of apparition from prior customers. Surprisingly up until the year 1991 all the missives are addressed to a person named Rufus Drake, not Augustus. The more recent documents appear to be from film crews, many of them criminal dramas thanking A. Drake for the use of the chance. In the rear sits an unadorned wooden counter with an open log book collecting dust set on its surface. Behind it is a collection of numbered room keys kept in small cubby holes similar to P.O boxes. Wedged beside this is a large wooden door marked: Staff supplies.

You can see Drake, the chance’s warden brooding in the background.

Exits: South Visible things Drake yourself area

[Drake has not been TFed.] Drake: A late thirty something Caucasian male, who you believe to be the owner of the Last chance. Standing at roughly six foot six Drake is a quite the tall fellow with a decent build. His masculine body is sculpted in tough compact muscles and his tight ass could teach diamonds a thing or two. He wears a fading white T-shirt and blue jeans that look a little for tight on him. Strapped to Drake’s back is a giant sniper rifle almost as big as he is with a popular quote from the Bhagavad-Gita: Now, I am become death, the destroyer of worlds, etched in a spiral pattern on the barrel. You recognize as an Anti-material rifle. A devastating weapon which made serious headlines recently after its manufacture recently begin advertising it as the most cost effective means for destroying an airliner. If you recall correctly, a single depleted Uranium round fired from that thing is purportedly able to pierce a modern tank’s engine block. Currently, he could almost pass for an unaltered human were it not for his vertical pupils that are eerily similar to those of a predatory cat’s or his odd earthen musk.

[Drake has been TFed.] Drake: Forcefully stripped of his humanity, due in large part to your meddling, Drake has transformed into a lion patriarch. Initially a tall man, Augustus’s infection has imbued him with an extra six inches putting the man at a towering seven feet. After being warped by the nanites you indirectly infected him with, Drake’s face has taken on the harden boxy muzzle and dark blunted nose of feral male lion. Adding to the effect is a mane of liquid bronze growing from around his neck. The ends of which appear to have a ring of flowing crimson circumscribing it, almost making it look like Augustus’s neck were covered in fresh blood. His torso, humanoid in shape and covered in a pelt of burnished gold, has become a rippling sea of finely hewed muscles you could teach an anatomy class on. Altered by the infection, Drake’s digits have become an efficient hybrid of leonine paws and sapiens hands. That allows him the benefit of inch long retractable claws; while preserving his ability to operate sensitive equipment. Much in the order of his mane, Drake’s fingers and toes are tipped with bright sanguine hairs. Sprouting from his chiseled ass is a three foot long Felidae tail, which just like his digits ends in a tuft of rich blood red fur. Resting upon Drake’s carved digitigrade legs is a pair of cantaloupe sized furry gonads that hang close to his knees. (How does he sit down with those?) In contrast his feline sheath appears to be around two inches thick and less than three inches long. However as Drake is now an anthro lion, his true length could be three to four times that.
No longer able to fit into most pre-infection attire, Augustus has to walk about in the nude. The sole exception being a wrap around holster he wears around his chest that at the moment is playing host to large pocketknife. Hoisted over Drake shoulder is his Anti-material rifle the words: Now, I am become death, the destroyer of worlds coiling around the barrel. A deadly Astra, the Anti-material is allegedly able to bring shred an Abrams tank’s engine block with a single shot from it H.E.A.T rounds.

Actions: talk smell fuck trade

[Pre TF] Smell: Drake smells of smoke and gun powder with an underlining feline musk.

[Post TF] Smell: Drake exudes a calming feline muck. That almost makes you feel a little sleepy being around him.

[Fuck] {First time} (Number of player cocks is > 0) “Look though I’m flatted you find me uh, interesting an all, but I am straight ok.” Feeling a little embarrassed, you apologize for the misunderstanding. “No harm done,” Drake says reassuringly.

(Otherwise) “Hm, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t interested,” Drake says emitting a rather lusty cat like growl. “Ahem, sorry about,” Drake coughs into his hand. “But I am sort of in a relationship right now so…ya.”

(Otherwise) They don’t seem interested in that.

[Talk first time] “Grab a seat if you like,” Drake says walking behind the counter, not paying much attention to whether you do or don’t. Opening a hidden drawer, he pulls out a lighter along with what is obviously a half smoked hand rolled joint, unabashedly sparking it up he continues. “Now, you said you’re looking to do a little trading right?” You reply in the affirmative. “Good, here’s the deal I am short up on medical supplies and can’t leave this place alone long enough to go searching for them myself. If in you’re willing to part with any spare med kits you find on your travels, I’ll give you two bottles of water and some food for your trouble. Sound like a deal?” Drake asks blowing a puff of fragrant smoke. You tell the man you’ll think about. “Alright, oh one more thing,” he takes a long drag, “while you’re walking around the grounds, you might pay a visit to my sweet girl Kathy, she’s in room 020,’ Drake points towards the ceiling, “or little Ava out in the garage. Course, if you mess either of those girls. The nanite infection will be the least of your worries.” He concludes calmly shuffling out the joint on his palm, flicking the ash off with his middle finger.

[Player has spoken to Drake more than twice.] Briefly shooting the breeze with Drake, you bring up the subject of his continued survival. “To be honest I got lucky; since at the time of the outbreak I was already indoors along with most of the staff and cliental, that way we avoided the brunt of the infection. Unfortunately, people weren’t too keen on stay put and decided to try running the blockade down yonder,” Drake nods his head in the general direction of the quarantine line. “They didn’t get far before the ferals caught on. I’ll spare you the sorted details of what they did to them, not that it matters now. But suffice to say the military didn’t take too kindly to a column of horny mutants so close to their position and shelled the lot of them to kingdom come. After things died down, a convoy was sent out from beyond the line, I am guessing to assess the situation in the city, since drones aren’t getting through. But the bloody fools, they went out in light armor with almost no heavy weapons, chem suits, tank support, or explosives. Hell, I pretty sure they didn’t even bring flash bangs.”

“What happened to them?”

“The bane of my existence, god damn behemoths happened. The fucks attacked the convoy not one hour in turning, eating, and un-birthing the lot of them. When all was finally said an done, I went out looking for survivors, as you can no doubt guess there weren’t any. On the plus side, I looted this beauty from an overturned A.P.C,” Drake grinning like a beast stalking his prey says as he hoists the Anti-material rifle. “Can you believe those “soldiers” never took this thing out of its case? Ugh,” Drake rubs his forehead, “my brain hurts just thinking about. Aside from Brahmashira here, I pulled out a few dozen boxes of ammo 50 Cal., sands bags, bits of gear. Pretty much everything I needed to set up a nice little no-mans-land. Since then,” Drake shrugs, “I’ve just been waiting for the troops to get serious and roll on in.”

[Player has spoken to Drake more than five times.] Intrigued by Drakes’ Felidae pupils you ask him how he obtained them. “These,” Drake points to his eyes, “are the result of me letting my guard down.” Not satisfied with that answer, you request Drake elaborate. “Ok the long and the short of is that before I met Kathy and Ava, I let a group of people stay here for awhile. In exchange, they gave me some supplies and watched over the chance while I’d go out exploring. And well on the way back from my last trip I was answering the old call of the wild, when this Manticore flies into me from behind.” Drake holds his right hand at a ninety degree angle; then glides his left hand to the palm of his right hand. “And no joke, the gob-shit actually tried to mount me,” Drake audibly gags at the thought of another male wanting his ass. “Good thing for me I had my great grand pappy’s old trench knife on hand. Ah now that was good Deutsch Stahl from the Kaiser Reich, not like this piece of junk from china I am using now.” Drake pulls his shirt collar away from his neck, displaying a black nylon knife holster playing host to a cheap pocket knife strapped around his chest. “So, when the fucker was lining himself I torn my left hand free form its grasp, drew my knife and slashed up the bastard’s diaphragm. Didn’t do much but once I landed a solid jab on the critter’s paw,” Drake makes a stabbing motion at his right hand, “the blighter finally loosened its grip enough to give me the chance to struggle out from under it. Asshole was persistent all give him that, even with a giant gash running through his foot, he still tried to rape me. Almost succeed to,” Drake involuntarily winces, “until I gouged out his right eye. That drove the finally the Manticore off, but man I was a freaking bloody chunk spewing wreck for the better part of a day. By the way, you run into an ornery scared up one-eyed Manticore that walks sort a funny or has scar on its front right paw. Tell him I want my family’s knife back. I plan on giving it to my kids after all. *Huff* anyways, after I patched myself up, I headed on back to the Last chance and something a hell of a lot worse.” You ask Drake what he means. “Those people I mentioned earlier, turns out they were infected. But that is a story in and of itself.”

[Player has spoken to Drake more than ten times.] Wondering why the majority of the Last chance is sealed up, you ask Drake if something went down prior to your arrival. “Ya, I guess it does look a little suspicious, so I’ll tell to you straight. You see not long after everyone with a working car, or the ability to steal one, tried to flee the outbreak, a group of visibly unaltered teens showed up begging for shelter. I let them in but I forgot to search them or their stuff first. Stupid old fool,” Drake mutters under his breath. “I guess one of them may have drunk tainted water or fiddled with an infectious doodad at some point and kept their mutation secret. Looking back on it, it should have been obvious they were hiding something, but I was too willing to write off my suspicious by feeding myself these trite lines. Oh they’re just scared kids, let them be, it’s not your place to pry, who are you their father…fuck me I should a listened to my gut.” Drake says his full of self-loathing. “Still, things worked out for time at least. I got to explore the city for bit, gather up supplies, fortified the chance with their help, meet other survivors, even a sane mutie or two. Shit didn’t last, never does,” Drake says pulling a roach-clip alongside an orange plastic lighter from his desk. Lighting it up he continues, “On my last foray, I got well… mauled by a Manticore, during one of my more ahem vulnerable moments. I survived thanks to the nanites, bout time they did something useful, plus a little first aid. Still I was out of commission for about a day.” Drake pauses for a drag. “Course when I limped back to the chance I found the teens had gone feral, torn up most of the rooms, and skipped town, uh metaphorically speaking. Clean up was a god damn bitch to, I ended up burning most of the furniture, carpets, shower curtains, a section of wall, don’t ask, still I am not one hundred percent sure I got everything. So for now, I am keeping them locked down till the C.D.C, F.E.M.A, the E.P.A, or better yet all three give me the all clear. This about answer your question kid?”

“I wonder what the government will do with me and girls.”

“Man, I could go for a cup of coffee, even decaf.”

“What is it, (Random chance of the following) [dragons] [behemoths] [taurs]?”

“Got any news?”

“Hard to believe I am going to be dad soon.”

“Don’t worry about us. Come hell or high water, I’ll see my,” Drake pauses, a look of sublime contentment growing on his otherwise stern visage, “family through this.”

“Hey, you see a lighter anywhere around here,” Drake says peering over room. “Up, never mind, it fell under the desk.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without Kathy and Ava around to keep me company.”

“Used to joke I preferred the company of animals over most people. I didn’t expect the universe to take me seriously.”

“Wish I had my knife back.”

“What would my folks think of their grandkids?”

“Don’t you have somewhere else to be?”

“I swear if that pedantic dragon shows up again.”

[Augustus has not been TFed.] “Staying out of trouble?”

[Augustus has not been TFed.] “Hey kid, be safe.”

[Augustus has not been TFed.] “Is it me or is it getting a little draft in here,” Drake says rubbing his arms for warmth. “Huh,” Drake pulls on his sleeve revealing a tear running down the back. “God fucking damn it, I ripped another one.”

[Drake has been TFed.] “Oh kid, there’s something really important I need to-AH!!! D-damn n-nits I bits my-sh mouth-sh again-sh,” Augustus says massaging his cheek.

[Drake has been TFed.] “Their some reason you’re still bothering me.”

[Drake has been TFed.] “Get out of my face.”

[Drake has been TFed.] “You mind fucking off? I promised Ava I’d read to her in an hour.”

[Drake has been TFed.] “Go darken someone else’s door, asshole.”

[Drake has been TFed.] “Oh god, what is it now?”

Trade: “Thanks kid, this will help Ka-ahem me out a lot.” Drake says squirreling the medical equipment behind the counter. “Here,” he opens a nondescript drawer, “your remuneration,” Augustus says handing you two units of food and water.

“Huh little lighter than I expected,” Augustus rattles the kit next to his ear, “but still good on ya kid.” Drake says vanishing the first aid kit. “And there you go, honest pay for honest work.” he says sliding a bit of food and water your way.

Shaking his head at your offer Drake says. “Sorry kid, if that ones anything like the last I don’t want it.” Wondering what’s wrong with your med kits, you ask Drake if he could be more precise. “*Huff* guess I got no choice, look kid those kits were for Kathy,” Drake sighs. “Since, I don’t know if you’ve noticed but she’s due any time now. And to be perfectly frank, I not sure she’ll survive labor. I mean she has that-that huge litter,” Drake starts pacing around the lobby, “and she’s so small how is Kathy going to, what if she? What if I can’t, what I’ll do if she…and little Ava,” Drakes says his voice cracking like a nervous teen as he buries his head in his hands. “Shit kid, I’m in over my head here. I mean braining a behemoth from half a click away and choking out bald eagles is one thing, but I don’t know what do if stuff goes south.” Drake looks at you through his fingers. “That’s why I’ve been sending you out for those med kits. I thought at the very least I could get stitches, syringes, or hell even a set of sterile gloves would be a god send.” You ask Drake why he hid this information from you. “*Sigh* kid we have a saying in my family: never let anyone have a hold over you. Sounds pessimistic I know, but I couldn’t sure how’d react or if you’d try and take advantage of the situation. But I am out of option now, so if you’re still willing to help I sure as hell need it.” Continue helping Drake yes or no?

No: “Ya, I guess that was too much to expect from someone like you.”

Yes: “Wait really?” You nod asking Drake what his plan is. “Well I don’t so much have a plan as a gamble. You see, I haven’t checked over the local clinics, care centers, and police stations. Cause the way I figured it, those places along with the rest of our emergency services would be hit the hardest by the outbreak. But at this point, I can’t see anyway around it. So kid if your up to it, I‘d like you to take a look around the city for a children’s hospital or pediatricians’ office. Who knows, maybe one of the near by practices survived the infection.” Bobbing your head, you ask Drake if he could make a list of items he’s looking for. “Good idea,” Augustus takes out a pen and a pad of paper, “let’s see gloves, formula, drops, T-dap, ear-an-throat syringes...,” Drake mumbles to himself. Five minutes and two sheet of paper later, Augustus puts down his pen. “Here you go kid, sorry for the wait.” Drake says handing you the note pad. Taking it from him, you tell you’ll keep you eyes open. “Thanks kid.”


Important disclaimer: I have asked strips (who is currently Medea’s writer/dev) for permission to include her in my piece.

[Requires the player has completed Medea’s quest.] Remembering the list Drake gave you, you ask Dr. Medea if they by any chance they’d willing to help you locate a few pieces of pediatric equipment. “I can’t see the harm, may I see the list?” She replies. Nodding, you hand them the note. “Hm, you don’t need this, were out of those…hasn’t been outbreak of that since the 70’s… That spoiled after the power went out.” Medea says clicking their talons. “This is quite the request, not an entirely unreasonable, one but are you sure you need these? You appear fine.” Medea says with a note of concern in their voice as they take out their instruments. Waving her off, you tell Medea the items aren’t for you specifically. “I see you’re getting these for a friend I take it?” You tell them that’s the case, more or less. “Ah that makes sense, would you mind telling me a little bit about the patient.” Bobbing your head, you inform Medea of Kathy’s rather extreme pregnancy. Noting how Augustus fears her small stature could lead to labor complications. “Oh my,” Medea says looking rather flush in the face. “I see why what did you call him, Augustus Drake, strange name. Would be worried, thankfully the nanite infection seems to handle many of the issues typically associated with child birth. So you can safely tell Mr. Drake he doesn’t anything to worry about. Still,” Medea flips through the note pad again. “I can’t argue against having some sterile equipment on hand. Give me a moment and I’ll see what can do.” They say digging through their office. About a minute later, she’s packed up a little to go bag for you. “Here I don’t know if the gloves will fit but him, but other than that this should be all he needs. Should Mr. or Mrs. Drake have any further questions I’ve included my card along with a few pamphlets for parents choosing to have their children at home. They probably won’t need it though. Oh and please do pass on my best wishes to the expectant couple,” Medea says depositing the care package into your waiting mitts.

“Any luck kid,” Drake mutters from behind the counter, his chin resting on his knuckles. Shaking your head in the affirmative, you hand him Medea’s parcel. “Is this all you could find kid?” He asks looking rather depressed at the sight of lack luster haul. Electing to put him at easy you regale Drake about your encounter with Medea. Telling him how many of the items he request won’t be necessary due to the nanite plague. “Really,” he says sifting through the package. “Well I guess I’ll have to take this,” Drake pulls out Medea’s card, “Doctor Medea, huh funny name, at their word. Not like I got any better options,” Drake gets up from behind the counter. “*Huff* still you did right by me and mine, so let me give something a little more valuable than food or water. Just need a second to get it out of the storage,” He says extracting a five inch in diameter key ring from his desk. Selecting one with red tape wrapped around it, Drake unlocks the storeroom and heads on in, shutting the door behind himself.
A minute or two passes before he returns carrying a battered medium sized black plastic suitcase not unlike those used by the military or a P.M.C. Placing the container on the counter, Drake undoes a number of hidden pressure latches; flips the case open and slides it over to you. Looking inside of the case, you see a deconstructed short barrel rifle, known in parlance as a Bullpup. While these weapons might not always have the range or stopping power of conventional rifles like the rugged Kalashnikov or modern A.R. They excel in close quarters or urban scenarios owing to their maneuverability light weight design. Given your situation, such a layout is probably among the ideal. Interestingly, as you examine the piece’s innards a little more thoroughly, you notice a number of electronic components have been added in lue of the normal firing mechanisms. Further, the weapon does not appear to accept cartridges, belts, or even individual shells leading you to believe this gun may have a self contained source of ammunition.
“Beauty isn’t it?” Drake says pulling out the stock. A rather elegant jet black thing engraved with bald eagle. You nod asking where he got such a prize. “Well I’m not sure if I told you this. But a couple of weeks ago a military convoy got fraged by the behemoths not too far from the chance. There were no survivors but a lot of their gear was left mostly intact. This being among them,” Drake taps the stock. “Now if you can give another minute or two I put this together for ya.” You ask him if could perhaps do it yourself. “Do you have a good multi-tool, a pair of magnifying glasses, and read the manual; which by the way is thicker than my thumb?” You tell him no. “Then I think you’d best leave it to me. Now where are my old glasses,” Drake says rummaging through his desk. “Dang,” Drake snaps his fingers, “I must have left them up stairs. Come on,” he says gesturing for you to follow him. Shrugging, you pick up suitcase and fall instep with Augustus.
On the way up though, you notice a slight laxity in Drake’s demeanor. No longer do his shoulders appear ridged in the order of one carrying a great weight. His stride once boarding on mechanical now has a bit of joyful swagger to it. Even his stern expression is lost. Reaching Kathy’s door, Drake smiles perhaps for the first time since you’ve meet him as knocks on her door. “Sweetie, I coming in,” he says letting himself in.

“Drake-y!” Kathy her arms open wide exclaims as you walk in after him.

“Hey honey,” Drake says hugging his mate, nuzzling the side her of her head with his own. “I am sorry to bother you about this, but have you seen my magnifying glasses?”

“Oh, that’s right I forgot to tell you.” Kathy says disentangling herself form Drake. “I was trying them on last night, don’t worry though.” Kathy rolls onto her tummy reaching for the nearby nightstand. “I put them in here when I was done.” Kathy says pulling out a stubby pair of spectacles not all that dissimilar to those stereotypically worn by librarians. “By the way how do I look?” She asks adoring the eye wear. Which you have to say doesn’t look all that bad on the portly lioness. Even if they do not rest on her head exactly as they were intend.

“Hm, you know, I didn’t think it was possible but you may have actually found a way to look even cuter.” Drake says rubbing his chin as if to make a show of his inspection. “Course now I feel bad about asking for them back.”

“Flatterer,” Kathy teases handing Drake his glasses.

“Thanks sweetie, you when I am done we could-,” Augustus whispers to Kathy as he kisses the nape of her neck.

“Ooh, I’ll have to get out the mini-skirt then,” Kathy purrs running her fingers through Drake’s mane. “But could you take care of them first,” she says gesture to you.

“Right,” Augustus sighs. “Hey kid, you mind setting that thing down on the table while I get out my tool.” Drake says over his shoulder as he pokes through the nightstands. Grunting, you do as he requests then prop your back against the door frame. Locating his multi-tool, Drake takes a seat, removing what you guess is the trigger assemble and barrel from the suitcase. “Alright-y, this shouldn’t be more than a spell.” He says putting on his glasses.” Now let’s see, according manual I have to connect these wires to this thing here.” he says expertly coiling the tips of several wires together. “Then trim the excess then adjust the screws a half turn, clear off any dust-,” Drake murmurs slowly assembling the carbine. A rather idiosyncrasies task you realize watching him make hundreds of tiny adjustment, muttering at the same time about magnetic saturation, scram rail alignment, and heat dispersion. Perhaps curious as what he’s building, Kathy waddles over to Drakes’ side saying. “What’s this thing?”

“My guess, it’s a gauss gun sort of like ones my roommate in college was working on.”

“What’s gauss? Is that the stuff you used to clean my cuts?”

“Sorry it’s a homophone-,”

“A homo huh,” Kathy interrupts.

“Don’t worry about it honey, I explain later. But basically this thing uses high powered magnets to fling sharp bits of metal. Kind of like Brahmashira only without the need for bullets.” Drake says affixing the rifle’s housing.

“Oh so why are you giving it to them?” Kathy says nodding her head towards you.

“Well the kid did us a favor by found those supplies you’ll need-,”

“Wait, is this about the cubs? I told you, they’ll be fine.” Kathy giggles petting her belly fur.

“I know Kathy but,” Drake says wrapping an arm around her. “If anything happened… I don’t think I could live with myself.”

“Oh Drake-y,” Kathy says pulling herself next to him. “You get so cute when you’re all angst-y for no reason.”

“Now who’s the flatterer,” Augustus jokes slapping the finishing touches on the carbine’s casing.

“Still you,” Kathy says as he completes the weapon. Getting up, Drake whispers something in Kathy’s ear that makes her chuckle then saunter off to the other side of the room.

“Sorry for the wait kid, here let me give you a quick demo outside,” he says handing you the rifle. Accepting it head you allow Augustus to lead you out door only to hear Kathy say, “Um, Drake I think I need a little help putting on the mini-skirt,” stopping him in his tracks.

“Actually on second thought kid maybe you should head out on your own to test your new gun. Ya I think that’d best. So good luck, see you later,” Drake says pushing you all the way out onto the dry plains. Locking the gate behind you, he sprints back to room 020 like desperate young man about to lose his V-card. Looks like you won’t be getting back in for awhile, but oh well at least you got a new gun. [Send player to dry plains.] [Add Driver carbine to player inventory.]

Driver carbine: Rebuilt from stolen U.S military ordnance, this short barrel weapon sports a style bullpup stock comprised of an unknown ultra lightweight. Emblazoned upon its grip is an effigy of bald eagle perched atop a shield baring the letters RSX. A series breakers have been built into the muzzle, thus preserving it’s accuracy for longer during periods of sustained fire. Below the barrel is a green laser designed to be visible in almost any lighting situation. Quizzically, no matter times you fire it, the carbine never runs out of ammo or experiences heat build up. Smell: Oy, this here smells like a right proper shooter it does! [Weight: 8, damage: 12, adds a +3 to the first strike perception check before combat. This item is upgradeable by Snow.]

Last chance parking lot: Surround by on all sides by cement wall the complex about the size of a school’s playground. The lot is able to accommodate over thirty cars and a quarter that many trucks. Though at the moment the area is completely empty as everyone with vehicle and half a brain already took off. Though whether or not people made it past the military quarantine is anyone’s guess. To the east, you can see small garden patio set up as a place for travels and customers alike to stretch their legs after a long drive. In the western quartet of the last chance you can see an auto shop blended with a camping supply store proudly advertised as the only rest stop in over fifty miles. Sadly, the hiking outlet is sealed by pad lock bigger than your head. A sign tacked on the door reads: Trespass at your own risk. The car garage looks to open though. Located in the southern portion of the complex is Last chance motel.

Exits: south east west [nav explore scavenge] Visible things: yourself area

Drake’s garden: Kept painstakingly neat despite of the nanite infection, this garden is home to a remarkable number of California poppies. The plants are properly pruned and tended with petals ranging from soft whites, to deep reds; even light purple versions are woven together like the arms of a spiral galaxy. Gaps between the flower beds have been filled with water polished serpentine and low quality garnets in all but four spaces. These sections ordered around the half way points of the compass have solid redwood wooden walkway connected to the garden’s heart, a simple wooden platform barely large enough to host five individuals.

Exits: west Visible thing: yourself area

Last chance auto body: Able to accommodate everything from the aged VW bug to eighteen wheelers, this car garage has recently been converted into a one story loft for Ava. Gone are myriad tools of the trade. In their place a plain brown carpet has been thrown over the cement floor, hiding years of oil stains not to mention the hydraulics. Nestled in a corner of the building is a quartet of mattress arrayed a two by two in a fashion similar to a Japanese futon. Over which an improvised bed sheet sewn from a number of mismatching ones has been draped. The majority of the structures standing walls appear barren, all but one that is. For in the rear of the build, you see a collection of old world lithography has been affixed to the facade. Scattered throughout the garage are towering stacks are examples of old world iconography in differing states of deconstruction. As it is, you have no idea what the Ava intends to create out of this extemporaneous swath of pre-infection imagery.

You can see Ava carving up an old issue of national geographic with her disposable paper knife.

Exits: east Visible thing: Ava yourself area

First time visiting: Ducking under the partially closed garage door, you find yourself face to face with the garages feline occupant. Tauric in nature, they would be around twelve feet tall when standing all fours. Their head initially reminds of an average house cats’, yet their wide Brobdingnagian eyes and unique facial markings bespeak more of nocturnal predator than some lap animal. Adding a measure of credence to this is assumption is their luminous pelt yellow and white with miniature rosettes sprinkled through out. A feature only present in the designer savannah cat people created some years ago, leopards, ocelots, and…margays! Bingo, you opine mentally patting yourself on the back as you connect the taur’s coat with the plump felines at the state fair. A heft creature, the taur’s anthro half supports a husky frame with six P-cup fun bags. Fused to their waist is an equally fluffy lower body built in the order of a predatory feline’s. Their digitigrade legs have a health amount of padding that almost obscures their set of developed calves. Fighting for attention between their legs is another of set of eight thirteen inch breasts. Swishing behind them is a billowing tail coated in rings of gold and burnt ebony, wrapped around the end of this appendage is small baby blue blanket. She, you realize is solely female observing her lack of male equipment. Quite the rarity given that most of the tauric Panthera you’ve encountered tend to be inter-gendered. Then again she is genus leopardus after all, but that’s neither here nor there.
Her room is sparsely furnished with a faded brown rug and a cobbled together davenport being the sole amenities. The floor though relatively clean in that there are no bits of dirt of hair trapped in the flooring, a good deal of loose paper has been scattered. All of which have random portions expertly cut out. Most of the walls are bare, yet in the rear, you can see what you believe to the beginnings of a collage made out of old reading material. Or it’s her scrap book collection minus that whole book part. Which would make it more of a scarp wall? You muse as the tauress justifiably butts in.

[Number of player cocks is > 0.] “Uh-um, h-h-hello there, does Dad- I mean Drake know you here?” She stammers with a nervous light in her eyes as she backs her rump against the wall as if to keep her sex as far from you as possible. Wanting to put her at ease, for you doubt you’d get much in the way of conversation from her otherwise. You inform the tauress that Drake asked you should stop by. “That’s a relief,” she sighs looking a little calmer, yet keeps her hind end away from you. “Oh, my names Ava,” she adds awkwardly eyeing you as one would a dangerous or diseased animal.

[Otherwise] “Oh hi there, sorry I didn’t hear you walking by. Or I would have tied up a bit, please just give me a second to clean up.” The tauress says in a demure embarrassed tone as she hurriedly she sweeps the loose leaf paper into pile with her tail. Explaining to her it’s alright, you inform the tauress that Drake asked you to say hello, not inspect her living arrangements. “Right sorry, I didn’t mean to say you were, not that you couldn’t if you wanted to. Or that you should, I mean,” she shakes her head sighing. “My names Ava, nice to meet you,” she says in a much more even tone. In reply, you give Ava your name and tell her likewise, which makes her smile.

Ava: Standing a solid twelve feet tall, Ava’s margay taur body easily dwarfs many of the infected you’ve encountered up until this point. Her gentle feline eyes are wide and expressive making you smile regardless of your mood when her gaze meets yours. Framed by a natural black liner reminiscent of an Egyptian queen and cast upon a pelt of liquid brass, her cat-like face is at once both exotic and innocent. Much like the margays at the state fair she likely descends from, Ava’s humanoid torso is generously endowed with a sextet of P-cup breasts and a huggable fluffy paunch. Her arms, decorated in adorable rosettes have pleasing amount of pudginess to them. While Ava’s hands appear mostly sapien in design, small barely noticeable pads are visible on her palms. In lue of finger nails, Ava has tiny partially concealed slits on the tips of her fingers housing her two inch long claws.
Melded to the area where her groin would be is Ava’s bestial lower body. To the casual observer, her feral portion would resemble that of domesticated feline though markedly larger. Her furry paws, comparable in scale to saucers, appear built more for stalking prey than out right chases, a reality her thunder thighs heartily second. Her undercarriage mirrors her anthro half having eight evenly proportioned M-cup breasts tucked between her legs. Sneaking a quick peek at her supple ass, you notice Ava has a pair of [seemingly bottomless, canyon-like, cavernous, expansive, elephantine, titanic, person-swallowing] cunts. Strangely, her plush pink nether lips though unerringly large have a rather human-esque appearance to them. Tied in a bow around the end of Ava’s billowing tail is a blue blanket with the Last chance’s log stamped on the corner.

Actions: talk smell fuck get milk

Smell: Ava emits a faint calming scent evocative of the moments after a long rainstorm.

Talk: (1) Having never encountered a Margay taur before, you ask Ava how she acquired her current form. “Huh,” Ava tilts her head, “I’ve been like this since I was born,” she says looking at you like you’ve just asked her if fire is hot. Flabbergasted, you accidently inquire when that was. “I am not sure, let me think,” Ava props her left hand under her chin. “Actually, now that you mention it I don’t know when I was born.” Your curiosity peaked. You decide to ask Ava if she remembers where she was born. “Mh-hm, it was this weird place called the state fair.” Feeling like your getting somewhere, you inquire as to why she left. Pointing that as far as you know most margay infected don’t leave the fairgrounds. “Oh, I was looking for my mommy and daddy.” Finding this an odd response, you point since she’s part margay, wouldn’t one of them be her mother. “Maybe except the other margays don’t like me, I tried talking with them, really I tried my hardest, but they would hiss and growl at me saying I was ‘too big’ or ‘not right’. The other creatures were just a bad always chasing me, stealing my food, or trying to shove their gross cocks in my face.” Ava says looking as if she’s fighting back a powerful urge to throw up. “Sorry about that,” Ava covers her mouth, “I got a little queasy. So I left, I thought maybe I could find my daddy out in the city. That maybe me and him could look for mommy at the fair. I didn’t find him though.” Ava says tucking her chin into her bosom. You ask why she come to the chance then if she was looking for her father. “This,” Ava flashes a blanket with the chances logo tied around her tail. “I’ve had it since I was a kitten. I don’t know who gave to me though but it’s all I had.” Ava says crossing her arms as if she were cold. You ask Ava how her search went. “Bad,” Ava peeps, “most of the people I meet either ran away or tried hurting me.” Sometimes I could get them to go away if I gave them my food-an-water but… not always.” You ask her if she ever fought back. “Once, but it don’t feel good.” You request she be a bit clearer. Ava shrugs, “I can’t really explain it but I got this tightness right here when I think about seeing people in pain, kind of like I can’t breath.” she places a paw on her chest. “It still hasn’t gone away, and I rather be beaten up again then feel that way.” Not sure how to respond to such an admission, you inquire about what happened next. “I don’t know. I remember my head started getting really light and hot like I was always standing in the sun then… I-I think got chased out of the city or maybe I left on my own. It’s kind of hard to recall but I know at some point I ended up in the plains. It wasn’t that bad since the…ferals, I think that’s what Drake calls them, didn’t bother me but they didn’t talk to me either. So, I, um sort of got lost after this stinky rain washed out my trail. But not long after that,” Ava brightens up, “I found a, what did Drake, a billboard I think, with the same marking as the one on my blanket.”

“And that’s how you found your way here?”

“Mh-hm, there was a road I followed leading right up the chance.” Ava answers. Remembering the less than warm reception Augustus gave you. You ask Ava how her first encounter with Drake went. “To be honest, the way he first looked at me even though his was nude and unarmed. It was probably one of the most frightening experiences I’ve had. There just something about his expression that said I was less than a bug to him, but then… I saw Kathy standing him clutching her tummy against Drakes’ leg. I realized what they were, a mommy and a daddy. For a second I thought, wait that’s not true, I wanted them to be mine but… they aren’t.” You inquire if Ava was able to learn anything about her family. “No, it turned out Drake donates the linens here every few years to someone named the Red Cross, so they can give it to other people. Or something I don’t really understand it myself.” You ask Ava why she then is she still at the last chance. “I don’t know where else to go. Also, I like being here with Kathy and Drake. They’re always so nice to me. Drake even gave me this room. That was the first time anyone ever gave me anything,” Ava adds patting a near by wall with her tail.

“What about your parents? Don’t you still want to find them?”

“A little bit but I am not so sure anymore. I mean if my parents actually cared about me why was I abandoned? But Drake and Kathy, they listen to me; they really care what I think, and how I feel. My ‘real’ parents couldn’t even be bothered to name me, Da-Drake did.”

Bemused by Ava’s work in progress, you inquire as to what she’s doing. “That it’s called a-a-um coil, no coal, or is it a college? Oh wait it’s a collage I am making of mo-Kathy and Drake. See there’s Drakes’ left eye,” Ava points to a number of overlapping brown-ish photos depicting an African savannah. “And that’s part of Kathy’s tail,” Ava gestures at ads for gold Rolex watches. Sadly, you don’t ‘see’ either of these things, no matter which you look at it it’s just a bunch of photos randomly adhered to a wall. Perhaps reading your expression, Ava chimes in. “I am anywhere near not done though. You see since…I already cut up most of most of the books and magazines around here.” She says motioning to the piles of sliced up literature. “I’m well out of art supplies. I mean I get lucky from time to time and see something I miss. But still I haven’t gotten anywhere in quite awhile.” Ava says propping her chin on her wrists. “Maybe if I,” Ava shakes her head as if to clear it, “no that’s a bad idea.”

“Maybe what’s a bad idea?”

“Oh, I was thinking about hunting around the high rise district for this big green box that had all these colorful pieces of paper on display. I believe it’s called a newsstand?” Ava shrugs. “I pretty sure I could use that paper, but I don’t want to leave the Last chance. Plus I’m sure something’s living in it.” Ava sighs, “Oh well I am not going to worry about.”

“I feel sorry for Da-Drake he’s almost always watch.”

“I love spending time with Kathy, she’s so cuddly and her milk tastes great.” Ava says involuntarily licking her lips.

“Do you like my room? Drake put it together.”

“I hope Drake and mo-Kathy’s cubs like me.”

“I have no know what I’d have done if Drake and Kathy hadn’t taken me in.”

“Have you been to the garden?”

“Would you like some milk?”

“I don’t know why but after I began suckling from Kathy I started lactating. Its kind fun actually listening to the sloshing sounds my breasts make, still I wish people to share it with.”

{Drake has been transformed.} “Don’t tell Drake this, but I think he looks better as a lion.”

Get milk: (Normal phase) Feeling a tad parched, you ask Ava if she has any milk to spare. “I sure do,” Ava exclaims pushing her mattress aside, revealing a steel grate which covers what appears to be a hydraulic lift. And only with two clawed fingers, Ava effortlessly picks up the sixty plus pound metal slab then reaches inside to pullout a banal glass bottle filled to the brim with a heavy cream. “Here you are,” she says handing you the cool to the touch container. [Add Margay cream to player inventory] [Players must now wait twenty four hours if they want another bottle of milk.]

(Cool down phase) “Sorry, I am out of bottles right now. If you come back a little later I am sure I’ll have more though.”

Margay cream: weight one lb. Description: A bottle of fresh tauress milk which seems to remain cold regardless of how you store it. Smell: The heavy cream gives off a calming feminine fragrance, not all that different from Ava’s. Oddly, you suspect drinking this will reinforce any womanly features you may have while removing masculine ones. Use: Noting a mild dryness on the roof of your mouth, you pop open a bottle of Tauric cream and hungry slurp up its rich contents. Though you feel somewhat sated, you can’t but take note of a strange tingling sensation coming from your chest and groin. [Increase player breast count up to 14, number of cunts by up to 3, cunt size by up to 60, cunt width to 30, lower the number of player cocks to 0, and reduce player cock size/width to 0.] [Decrease player thirst and hunger by 5.]

Last chance motel: Constructed in the nineteen fifties, the two story red tile roofed building neither flashy nor boring has a simple yet solid utilitarian build indicative of architect more interested in longevity than style. While its beige stucco walls are free of the normal claw marks or bodily fluids tainting the city, all but one of rooms, room 020, has a notice on the door sighting the need for maid service. On its right hand side is single stair case leading up to the second floor. To the hotels’ left you can see a portable ladder leading up to Drakes’ sniper nest is set next to the lobby entrance.

Exits: north up lobby room 020 Visible things: yourself area

Sniper’s perch: Climbing up the worker’s ladder, you are evaluated two stories above the plains. From this vantage, you have a near perfect view of the rolling grasses, collapsed structures, and other waning symbols of humanity that comprise the plains. Off in the distance, you can make out both the city limits and the quarantine line drawn by the military. Though the red tile roof top has very going on at the moment, you spy four make shift wind flags have been attached to the chance’s awnings. At the core is simple ring of sand bags with a tin roof anchored to it by way of cheap two by fours. Inside are several cases of ammo all of them baring scratched up army ID tags. One in particular stands out to you as it has the words: For emergency use only, written in bold red sharpie ink.

Exits: down Visible things: yourself area

Continued on the next post ->
Last edited by Sheogorath on Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Sheogorath » Thu Feb 20, 2014 12:27 pm

*This post has been edited due to its length exceeding the forum character limit.*

Room 020: The lone couple’s suite in the last chance motel. Boasting polished hard wood floors, Room 020 is quite well furnished with a king size bed tucked along the walls. Beside are twin nightstands made of Mahogany are placed next to head board. A few feet from the foot of the bed is a dinning table draped in a deep blue cloth and a pair of comfy chairs. Adjacent to the entrance is a sliding window that allows a healthy amount of natural light to play off the clean egg shell white walls. In the back is small kitchen area with a sink, toaster oven, and a coffee pot arrayed on wooden counter top. Beside the cooking nock is a full bathroom, currently out of service.

You can see Kathy happily reading a copy of How to win friends and influence people on her king size bed.

Kathy: A portly anthro lioness, Kathy is barely more than four an a half feet tall. Her face is notably animalist, with a boxy muzzle, cute pouty chin, and the satellite dish ears of a hunting cat. Only her sweet haze eyes hint at the depths of her true intelligence. Quite the chubby woman, she boasts a cub swollen belly almost as big she is with quartet of love handles scratching around her golden furry sides. Enveloping her in a layer of plush cuddly stuffing which pads her extremities. Vying for space around her lap filling bump are six evenly engorged DD-cup breasts with cute half inch nipples that beg to be suckled upon. Largely disinterested in clothing unless sex is somehow involved, Kathy prefers to lounge around in her bare fur and see through lace bathrobe. Though from the way she carries it you suspect Kathy her robe more as an accessory than anything else.

Actions: talk smell fuck

[First time visiting room 020] Knocking on the door to room 020, you hear a matronly female voice call out, “come on in, it’s open.” Heading inside, you’re greeted by the face of a bedridden anthro lioness wearing nothing more than a see-though lace bathrobe happily cuddled around her massive pregnant belly. Though the majority of her is lost beyond her heavily distended tummy that reaches down to her knee’s, she seems to be about four foot five feet tall with an over all lush voluptuous figure. Undeniably obese, her corpulent bottom spills over to her plush snuggly sides, forming a cute pair of love handles. The woman’s weighty arms are padded in generous amount of fluff. Her legs have plenty of jiggle, yet her calves possess a modicum of muscle to them. Her visage is very animalist with a fully devolved muzzle, thin ebony lips, sleek disk shaped ears, whip cord tail akin those of the feline’s you’ve seen in the park. However unlike the petite ferals, this lioness is far more endowed by in chest department being blessed with six evenly sized double D’s competing for space around her fantastically bloated bump. Her soft golden pelt is immaculately combed and groomed with not a hair out of place. “Like what you see?” She says teasingly. Realizing you’ve been gawking at her, you muttering a vague series of words that could be interpreted as apology to the lioness. “Oh don’t worry about it, I’ m Kathy by the way, though you probably already knew that.” She says extending her paw to you. Shaking her hand, you introduce yourself explaining that Drake asked you should stop by. “That’s sweet of you, we get don’t get much in the way of sane company out here.”

Smell: Kathy smells like a needy pregnant lioness.

Talk: Briefly chatting up Kathy, you ask her how she came to the Last chance. “Well when the infection began I was a normal lioness at-,”

“Wait you what weren’t originally human? Then how can speak and-,” you blurt out shocked at the improbably of it all.

“Sigh, I was going to get to that but if you must know Drake helped me learn English, among others things. Now as I was trying to saying, I was circus animal up until someone let my pride loose at the start of the outbreak. My memory is a really fuzzy on what we did next however, I know we went to the park and by that time I’d started walking on two legs.” Kathy says wiggling her furry padded toes. “You know, it was quite exhilarating being able to use my paws like human. I was always so jealous of not having thumbs or being able to hold things properly.” Kathy proudly flashes her pair of hitchhiker’s. “I just got wrapped in the fun of exploring the city looking for stuff to fiddle with. Eventually, my roaming lead me to the dry plains, I can’t say why, it just seems homey out here.”

“Is that how you found the Last chance?” You ask. Kathy shakes her head.

“Yes and no, while wandering the plains, I was spotted by a very hungry behemoth. Being an idiot, I hissed at it, trying to intimidate it rather than run. *Sigh*, it was on me in a flash,” Kathy mimes swatting a fly. “Clubbing me off my feet, the behemoth pinned me to the ground like it was going to eat me. I thought it was over at that point, but before it could get its mouth around me, this ear splitting knell ripped the air as Drake shot it. The behemoth died on the spot, almost crushing me as it fell. Luckily, Drake sprinted over in time to get out from under it. Mmhh, you should have seen my proud hunter as he hefted the creature’s gargantuan paw with one hand, his rifle hefted over his shoulder. The noon day sun shining through tiny gaps in Drake’s rich mane like the dying of last stars of twilight,” Kathy coos lying back on her mattress as she recalls the memory. “I couldn’t keep myself from throwing myself at him, purring like a scared kitten. I felt so safe cuddled in his arms, I didn’t let go till long after he carried me home.” You ask Kathy what happened next. “Not much, he cleaned my wounds and tried figuring out who I was.”

“How did that go?”

“It was rocky at first because Drake had no way of knowing I was never human, he treated like an injured person, and when I tried to ‘thank’ him my own way, he refused.” Kathy says with a lusty grin on her face.

“Wait he turned you down at first?”

“Mh-hm, he thought I wasn’t thinking clearly because of the infection and didn’t want to take advantage of someone in my position. Later, when I picked up a few words I did my best to express myself and well-,” Kathy happily pats her squirming bump, “I think you can guess the rest.”

Buttering up Kathy with small talk, you do your best to tactically ask Kathy about how she got her rubenesque figure. “Ha, what can I say? Drake loves spoiling his greedy girl.” Kathy jokes. Perturbed by this statement, you ask Kathy if Augustus is force feeding her. “No,” Kathy laughs, “Drake’s not doing anything like that. I just always loved human food and now that I am like this I can finally indulge my curiosity. Oh sure I was scared when I started getting a big squish pot belly, but it kind of turned me on feeling my tummy weighing my down, my thighs always rubbing against my cunny.” Kathy rolls on her side to give you better view of her fecund form. “I can’t tell you how good it felt once my bump came in though.” Kathy says dipping a paw under her swollen belly, hugging it close. “It was magical watching my body swelling so full of Drakes’ cubs it became hard to walk. The sensation of my breasts bulging with warm tasty cream, I never wanted it end, neither did he.” Kathy giggles to herself. “You should have seen him. He looked so cute when started fawning over his kittens, going on and on about how he wants to be a good father. Beside,” Kathy throws up her paws, “what’s not to love about being pamper breeder? I get to lounge around all day being cared for by someone who loves me, eating and fucking whenever I want. No trainers to scream at me or crowds to please. I can cut finally loose and enjoy all the things humans used to deny me.”

“Do you think the cubs will be human, feline, or somewhere in the middle.”

“I hope Drake is doing alright, he doesn’t get more than four hours of sleep every week.”

“Have you talked to Ava? She could use the company more than me.”

Kathy ignores your attempts at conversation, more intend on grooming herself in preparation for her lover’s next visit.

“I hope my next litter is even bigger.”

“You know, I bet you’d love being knocked with a litter of lion cubs.”

“How are things?”

“I think the cubs are saying hello,” Kathy says pointing to her lively tummy.

“I could really go for a deep fat fried Twinkie drizzled in caramel, chocolate syrup, powdered sugar, and vanilla icing.”

“Do you like my bathrobe? Drake gave it to me along with a bunch of boring normal shirts and pants.”

“I understand the nanite infection has hurt a lot of people, but it’s still the best thing to ever happen to me.”

“Bet you can’t do this!” Kathy exclaims bending the tips of her thumbs at one hundred twenty degree angle.

“I wonder what happened to my trainers. I never saw what happened to them after my pride got free.”

“I hope my pride sisters are doing ok at the park.”


[Player has not TFed Drake.] “No thanks, I don’t think Drake would appreciate the mother of his cubs sleeping around. Then again, maybe we can help each other out with something.” Kathy says a devious look in her eyes. Shall you hear her out?

[No] You tell Kathy you not interested in whatever she has planned. “Oh well never mind then.” She answers.

[Yes] “Here’s the thing, I love Drake and all but he’s too um…tame for my needs. And I was thinking he might be a better mate if he transformed into a proper lion.” You ask her what Drake thinks about this. “Oh, he says that he’s not opposed to the idea. Really, he’s just worried that it would harder for him to raise his kids as lion than as human. Personally though, I don’t see why could be a problem myself. So, will you help?” Shall you assist Kathy, yes or no?

[No] Not comfortable with the notion of transforming Drake against his will, you decline Kathy’s request.

[Yes] “You will!” Kathy exclaims throwing her gravid body around you in an attempt at a bear hug. “Thank you so much,” she exclaims smothering your face in her husky bosom. Once she done depriving you of your oxygen supply, you ask Kathy how precisely you can help her infect Drake. “That’s the tricky part since Drake is resistant to the nanites in general. I should know I’ve tried to transform him myself.” Kathy says gesturing to her swollen tits. “So I think we need a concentrated dose of raw nanites to change him. Thankfully, I have an idea on how to acquire some, one second,” Kathy grunts rolling on to her tummy, opening her nightstand. “Ah there it is,” Kathy says extracting a pamphlet emblazoned with Zephyr’s logo. “I found this in the lobby. Here take a look,” Kathy flips to a detailed page on nanite collectors, vial care, proper handling methods, plus bounties on specific strains and hands the document to you. “I’m pretty sure if you had one of those, I could transform Drake into a proper mate using five vials of Felinoid nanites.” Checking the docket over, you tell Kathy you’ll see what you can, but make no promises. “Alright, just let me when you’re ready.” Kathy says.

[Player has five or more vials of Felinoid nanites.] Recalling, you just so happen to be in the possession of five vials of Felinoid nanites. You furnish the pre-request items, much to the preggo lioness’s glee. “Wow, these are perfect, well almost,” Kathy gushes snatching up the nanite containers. “It could use a little milk to hide any funny smells,” Kathy says struggling to get out be bed. Seeing her plight, you lend her your hand, aiding the thoroughly seeded woman to her feet. “Thanks,” Kathy, her hand resting on her breeding factory huffs. After catching her breath, she waddles over the kitchen to fetch a glass pitcher from one of the cabinets built into her room. She proceeds to empty the vials into the glassware, filling it a tenth of the way. She then slips off her robe trying to cup the vessel under her upper right tit. “Darn it,” Kathy hisses finding it to impossible to simultaneously milk herself and hold the container in position. “Uh, I don’t mean to impose,” Kathy folds her arms around her six bountiful golden mounds while crossing her left leg over her right. “But, I could use your help,” she says gesturing to her bed. Having come this far, you agree offering her a seat on your lap. “You’re a sweetie,” Kathy says hoisting her doughy frame. Though undeniably heavy, Kathy’s warm pudgy body rests beautifully on your own as if she were made to snuggle with. Marveling at how welcoming her silky pelt is as you wrap your arms around the voluptuous cuddly lioness, a difficult task given her rotund nature. Though, you wonder if you maybe should take this opportunity to have a little fun with her. Surely, Drake wouldn’t notice if you gave Kathy a little manual stimulation? Finger Kathy (1) or just milk her (2)?

[Player does not have five vials of felinoid nanites.] “Found those vials yet?” Kathy asks. Shaking your head, you tell her you haven’t collected five vials of felinoid nanites yet. “That’s too bad, have tried going to the park though it should be full of felinoids.”

(1) Deciding to give the tubby girl some extra attention, you gingerly massage the super taunt skin of her furry cream fountains, attending all her sore spots. Pinching her erect teats, you knead her sloshing furry chest evoking wild spurts of thick lioness milk from Kathy’s erect teats. “Mmhh, that feels good, my girls can get so achy,” she mewls. Feeling her sink into your embrace, you languidly tease Kathy’s velvety belly fur, eliciting a girlish squeak from the preggo lioness. Cupping her hefty cream factories with your non-dominate hand, you tenderly massage the supple orb, coaxing a thick spray of lioness cream for the expectant furry, but miss the pitcher entirely. Not that Kathy cares, as she’s more than a little turned on at the sight of how much her body can produce. While she is in awe with milky pleasure, you slip a hand beneath her obscene midriff, brushing your digits around her kiss able nether lips, exalting in how blissfully succulent her thigh contrast with her taunt breeder’s bum feels around your hand. “Wait…Drake…,” Kathy gasps but makes no effort stop you.

“Doesn’t need to know,” you whisper sliding one finger then two into her toasty muff.

“But,” she moans even as her cunt involuntarily clenches about your digits, her infection obviously getting the best of her. Sensing this, you lazily lavish the yielding walls of her plump box with your practiced tactile members, not enough to bring her near orgasm, but enough leave craving her more. Your diligence quickly pays off as Kathy’s fertile passage grows moist despite her desire to stay to true to her mate. As her resistance to your advance ebbing, the horny lioness begins panting desperately finally yields murmuring, “Please harder.” Happy to oblige, you drive your fingers vigorously into her snatch pumping Kathy’s quivering pussy, tending to the lioness’ inner most depths. “More,” Kathy pants. Grinning at her request, you pull out forming your digits into a point. Unable to see what you’re doing under her massive stomach, Kathy casts you needy questioning glance which quickly becomes one of rapture as you plunge your fist thumb knuckle deep into her well-breed tunnel. Practically seeing stars at this point, Kathy has to bite her tongue in order to avoid roaring in your ear. You don’t allow her to recover either, instead ploughing Kathy’s erogenous zone like you’ve got something to prove, much to her delight.
She rocks her child bearing hips in tandem with your thrusts trying to get more your hand into her hungry snatch. Her gyrations jostling her blubbery over-inflated bouncy house of a womb against her lap with audible thumps. Perhaps worrying about her precious kittens, Kathy immediacy sets down the pitch and wraps a paw around her adorable paunch. Steadying her litter with one hand, Kathy’s free hand drifts to her bosom, caressing her neglected teats. She works each one over eliciting fresh milky streams. The pearlescent substance cascades uncontrollably down her sides, soaking her ample waist.
Her fertile offering collects on the lower hemisphere of her bun dripping (along with her fem juices) into the pitcher. Spurred on by her erotic display, you redouble your pace, thumbing the outside of her clitoral hood between motions. As Kathy mewls in ecstasy, her tongue rolls out of her mouth while resting her silky head against your shoulder. As your hard thrusts get too much for her, she cums hard, squirting a river of sweet water down your arm. “Ah, I needed that more than I thought,” Kathy pants rolling off your lap, leaving a damp streak on the sheets. “Nothing against humans, but your poor males have no endurance whatsoever. I mean who ever heard of species that can’t mate thousands of times a week.” Kathy jokes waddling to her feet. “Anyways, I better get this to Drake before it gets cold,” Kathy says retrieving the pitcher. ‘Oh, and you may want to make yourself scarce for a day or two after I give him this.” Kathy shakes the tainted pitcher. Agreeing with her, you see yourself out. [Go to (01)]

(2) Determining it best not further meddle in Kathy’s relationship, you focus on collecting the cat girl’s lactate. Adopting a rare (relatively) chaste attitude, you lightly fondle Kathy’s engorged upper tits, drawing a light trickle of milk from the portly woman. “Ah, I should get Ava to drain these more often,” Kathy says maneuvering the pitcher into place, catching a small amount of the alabaster liquid dripping down her bosom. Settling into a comfortable pace, you softly tweak the avoirdupois furries’ dark teats, between your pointer and middle fingers, mindful of how tender the poor chubby breeder’s neglected mounds must be. Kneading Kathy’s feline nipples, your efforts bear fruit as cream leaks down and around the fatties palm-able DD-cups. Noticeable aroused by the sight of shiny her covered milk pelt, Kathy gropes her lower bosom drawing out sheets of her motherly fluid. Absolutely in love with sight of the pearlescent substance coating her belly fur, she repeats the process on her remain breasts. Literally bathing herself in milk, Kathy massages her rapacious body, extolling at the wondrous simulacrum of her golden coruscate pelt. She purrs in delight, undoubtedly grateful to have some else help relieve her seemingly endless supply. Eventually though, you get a handle on Kathy potent milk hoses and quickly top off the pitch. “Thanks again,” Kathy says nuzzling your face, giving you an affectionate peck on the cheek. She then places the container on floor and rolls off your lap, padding off her fur in the process. Sitting up she continues, “I as much as I love being chubby breeder, it does get a little annoying having to constantly manage my engorgement. Any-who, I going to give this to Drake while its still warm,” Kathy says gathering up the pitcher. “By the way, you should avoid the chance for a little bit. You know to give Drake time to adjust.” Deducing that would be for the best, you wish Kathy luck and let yourself out. [Go to (01)]

(01) On your way to the gate, you overhear Kathy calling to her mate. Ever the dutiful lover, Drake dashes up to Kathy’s room, a rather happy grin on his face. Dropping his rifle at the outside the door, he heads inside room 020. As Drake shuts the door behind himself, you opine if you could perhaps catch a peek at Drake’s transformation. You did provide the materials after all. Shall you [yes] or [no]?

[No] With Voyeurism not being up your alley, you high tail it out of the Last chance fast as your [player body] legs can carry you. [Send player to grey abbey]

[Yes] Not one to pass up a free show, you sneak back up to the second floor of the Last chance. Creeping along the balcony walkway, you silently range towards Kathy’s room, hoping you haven’t missed too much. Coming to the edge of her abode, you can hear a heavy guttural breathing emanating from within. As you peer through the open blinds, you instantly spy Drake doubling over by Kathy’s side. His face gaining a rubber quality as his jaw expands forming a blunted muzzle with dark thin lips and a robust chin. While his ear lobes reshape into the rounded forms of a male lion’s, a pelt of molten bronze blossoms around his neck creating a proper mane, then creeps down over his spine. Interestingly as his fur grows in, a light dusting of deep sanguine appears on the periphery of Drake’s proud locks. Perhaps a remnant of his Manticore infection is asserting itself, you muse watching the transformation spread to his torso. His body expands becoming larger in more way than one. His back rippling, Drake’s muscles swell in scale, their finely wrought outlines visible through the man’s T-shirt, as his new found mass rends the cotton cloth. The flesh of his arm’s convulsing, Drake’s hands puff out as feline pads rise up out of his palms and inch long claws erupt from the tips of his digits. The changes soon penetrate the man’s lower body, causing a giant lump to uncomfortably grow upon his pelvis. Howling, Drake desperately attempts to free this fresh appendage, yet his pants have been stretch beyond skin tight and threaten to cut into him. So he’s left with no choice but to shred the garment revealing an incredibly long leonine tail tipped by a tuft of blood red fur. At the same time Drake’s stance alters from plantigrade to digitigrade. His legs forcibly bent into those of a large Felidae. His shoes likewise burst around edges as Drake’s feet are reshaped by the nanites into large furry paws. His transformation winding down, Drake drops to his knees, more from shock than anything else. Clenching his sides, Drake stares up at the grinning Kathy, his expression one of sadness, confusion, rage, and barely concealed betrayal. “Why, I thought, we, the cubs?” He crocks, not used to his scratchy feline tongue or the rows of saber-like fangs lining his maw. In response, Kathy wraps her arms around her mate whispering in his ear. Though her words are lost on you, their effect on Drake is immediate. Pushing her back, Drake draws himself up to his new full height of seven feet. His eyes clear and focused, all vestiges of sadness on his face have burned off so only indignation remains.
He grasps hold of Kathy’s door jamming rump hoisting her up to his chest, a dark toothy expression on his face. “Eepp,” Kathy squeals maybe regretting her decisions. Chuffing at her, Drake roughly propping his smaller lover’s back against a near wall. He wraps her legs around his waist with but a few instructive bats of his tail. And form this angle at you last get your first look at his impressive feline package. Hanging out from its thick furry sheath is Drake’s half erect barbed member. While not the largest tool you’ve seen, his spiny semi-hard cock measures around seven or eight inches in length, which for human would be a little impressive. Complementing his fresh endowment are a pair of grapefruit sized testicles covered in golden hair, already quivering in anticipation for what is to pass.
Taking his partially erect tool in hand, Drake strokes his half flaccid tapered rod getting used to its alien shape while lining himself up with Kathy’s plump pussy. Seeing what he’s about to do, Kathy wraps a hand under her beach ball sized belly using the other for leverage. She somehow wrangles her colossal litter out of the way. Earning Kathy a few approving rumbles from Drake as he spears her beckoning cunny with his now towering eighteen inch pleasure rod. This makes Kathy yowl with animalistic joy as Drake bounces her on inhumanly long shaft, creating a budges at the top of her tummy at the height of his thrusts; almost like he was wearing Kathy in the order of a large furry condom.
Perhaps wanting a taste of Drake’s of virility, even if it’s a by carious one, Kathy bends her sweet little muzzle against her chest. Licking the taunt flesh of her swollen bump, she massages the tip of Drake’s thorny spire with her rough tongue. While her tail brushes against Drake’s inner thigh. Obviously wondering what she’s trying to do, Drake slows his strokes, emitting an aggravated growl. “Sh,” Kathy whispers between licks, palming his balls in her tail as if she were weighing a pair of priceless clay marbles. Kathy jiggles his freakishly huge nuts in pace with his motions. “Doesn’t your new body feel great? Don’t you want to just fill me up with that beautiful lion-cock of yours, keeping my cunny nice and stuffed with your hot cum? Just imagine the two of us whelping entire prides of big sexy cubs.” She teases giving his hand filling baby batter makers the lightest of squeezes with her tail. Drake, his eyes rolling to the ceiling, mutters a barely intelligible yes in reply. Kathy beams every brighter at this as she caresses her mate’s potent manliness urging him on. Enthralled by her words, Drake pulls Kathy closer to himself getting a firmer grip on her shelf like hips. He lifts Kathy half way off his goliath wang before he buries himself balls deep inside her, while remaining in a standing position. Damn he’s strong! “Ah, that’s my man,” Kathy coos, her prodigal mounds loudly thumping one another as Drake pumps his exotic pole into her again and again, stimulating the sensitive glands within. Her adorable bosom doesn’t need much in the way attention for Kathy to express herself though. A reality you can personally attest to as sheets of her motherly fluid pour down her sides.
Enchanted by the spectacle (and perhaps a little hunger to boot), Kathy slips an arm under her remarkable breasts. Groping a pair of her leaking tits, she positions the prominent nipple between her ebony lips, heartily suckling upon her own supply. Which is no minor feat given Drake’s thorough poundings. But one Drake makes easier by lowering himself onto Kathy’s bed. Without even slow his pace, Drake lies back on his lover’s mattress to enjoy the show; allowing Kathy to better manage his drives while still giving her walls the vigorous twat scraping she so desires.
All to the lioness’s ever increasing bliss as she purrs up storm from the sensations of Drake’s magnificent barbed cock teasing her pussy and the warmth of her fresh cream sloshing around in her tummy. The act pushing the rutting pair over the edge as Drake’s massive balls churn dousing their content into Kathy’s inner most womb, his sizeable load further stretching out the chubby breeder. Howling in satisfaction, Kathy collapses on Drake’s craved chest, her plump assets cushioning her fall. “Mmhh, I’ve never ever felt so warm and full.” She says snuggling her milk and cum bloated tummy upon her lover’s stalwart abs. “It feels like I am going to burst.” Kathy, sounding a little aroused by the idea hums rubbing the sides of her creaking tummy. Her normally pale skin pulled so taunt that her belly has turned a bright pink in some spots.
Nuzzling Drake’s mane, Kathy gently rolls off her mate’s brawny pectorals, but somehow still manages to keep his softening package wedged in her breeder’s box. Clearly she’s not in any hurry to part with her new toy just yet. As she yawns contently, Kathy wiggles her ponderous frame into Drake’s sinuous arms while resting her head upon his mane. In turn, Drake, his regal visage free of its previous ire hugs Kathy close in a reverse spoon position, while entwining his tail with hers. In no mood to disturbed the pair’s quiet moment (lord knows how you’d react in their position), you hurriedly sneak back out the front gate, praying they don’t notice the mess you left behind. On your way to the grey abbey, you do make a mental note to check up on leonine couple in the next few days. [Send player to Grey abbey.]

Alright, this is about as much I feel like posting ATM. I have a lot more written but I’m still editing it which is where a big problem of mine comes into play. See, there is a lot of tail fucking going on in the next part, and here’s the thing I’m running low on metaphors. Especially since I have to reference the player’s or Kathy’s tail ever other sentence. Given that each piece runs between 800 to 1000+ words not counting variations based on player height and whether or no the player is a taur, well you guys can see where this is going. Currently, my repertoire is limited to the following, extra limb, fifth and or seventh limb, improvised tool, fax-pleasure rod, living dildo, spare appendage, sudo-pleasure rod, ridged sex toy, and substitute/stand in member, suggestions?
Last edited by Sheogorath on Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:43 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Blue Bishop » Thu Feb 20, 2014 3:38 pm

There's some initial matters of intent that need to be clarified before I can really comment on this presentation.

Specifically, are you pitching this to be added to the game, or are you adding this yourself (Either to this game or to another) and you need feedback?
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Sheogorath » Fri Feb 21, 2014 7:34 pm

Yes Blue, I am pitching this and have some templates I filled out to add. Although ,I don't understand why you'd think otherwise. Still I apologies for any confusion none the less.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Blue Bishop » Fri Feb 21, 2014 11:40 pm

Alright. The core hurdle you face right now is that I have no idea what you're pitching.

The reality of the matter is that all such voluminous text, ironically, works against you and your desire to see this content in-game. Brevity is the soul of wit, but the first couple paragraphs are spent only throwing a bunch of unfamiliar names to me, so I have no idea what's going on or why I should be invested -- which is important because you're asking me to read a LOT of text all at once.

This exposition overload is the product of 1) You're throwing too many ideas out at once and 2) You're using the intended content as part of the pitch, which is not what you do in this sort of pitch.

First off, break it down to the core. You're asking for help making three NPCs and a new room to contain them. That's your entire pitch.

It's suboptimal to make your debut adding so many NPCs, focus on one for now. What NPC does your room absolutely require in order to make sense? That has to be the one. All massive NPC/locations/encounters start from humble beginnings that focus on the main appeal before expanding itself.

As for the content you presented, it's better to hold on that and focus on the systems first. It's easier to play that much prose than to ingest it all at once. This is also why I suggest getting your hands dirty and actually coding the content. I started this line of work dumping all my text on Stripes lap and having him put it in for me, but the whole endeavour proved very slow and was an inefficient use of both our time. It helped me a lot more, in the long run, to figure out how to use Inform and just punch out the content on my own time.

Moreover, you don't really need me to critique your content; because you're asking me to code it, I need to know what you want coded.

So, let's break it down to a list so we know exactly what you need, from a coding standpoint, and I'll raise a few questions when we bump into them. You need:

Easily Done/No Questions:
-A Room
-An event connecting the player to the room

More Complex:
-NPC
--Do you have sex with the NPC?
---Is sex infectious?
----What strain? Is it a new strain?
---What is the timer on said sex?
---Are there other, post-sex related effects?
--Does the NPC offer quests?
---If so, what are the rewards?
--Does the NPC sell/trade/convert items?
---Are these items new, or pre-existing?
--Are there any other, unique interactions with this NPC?
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Sheogorath » Sat Feb 22, 2014 1:39 pm

O.K, my autism must be messing with me today since I am having a hard time creating a response to your inquiries. So forgive me if I miss anything, I am not trying to a pain. I just genuinely do not understand some of what you’re asking. Alright, from what I can tell you don’t like the quick run down at the beginning, correct? The reason whole I did that was because I had hoped that if I gave a run down of the characters people could give me a critique of my work. I.E. does Drake come off as a tired well meaning asshole? And to be clear, the whole point of me re-posting this is to hear specific criticisms of my writing. Since, and I say this without malice, disrespect, or snide backhandedness, as I deeply respect you as a writer and am truly grateful you’re me the time of day. I am not looking for coder’s right now, nor am asking for your help with coding or seeking advice relating to it at this exact point in time. In the future, when I tie up some loose ends and have something worth people time. I would love to hear yours or anyone else’s suggestions on how to make a piece in that regard. So until then, please tell me what you like, dislike, what makes you laugh, or makes you want to stab me in the eye with a red hot curling iron.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby TigerStripes » Sat Feb 22, 2014 2:16 pm

I went to try and recover the old posting, but google does not have a cached copy of it. The previous thread was more focused on explanation of the situation, the setup and the intended plans, including some feedback and modifications.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Sheogorath » Sat Feb 22, 2014 7:41 pm

Hey strips, hope you've been having a good year, and thank you for trying that. I would have used the old intro, but I thought I would be insulting people's intelligence by repeating myself. Also I didn't save it. My bad. I'll work on more coherent introduction for this thing right away. In the meantime, do you have any suggests, comments, perhaps a spare metaphor for tails? I really need them for Kathy and Ava's sex scenes. Because damn, do I have reference them over an over. Seriously, one scene actually starts out with Kathy giving her's and the player's tail a special boob job before fucking herself with them. And from what I read in guides posted by you, Fenoxo, the dark master, and AgentlemancalledB reusing the same term is a big no no.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby TigerStripes » Sun Feb 23, 2014 5:14 am

Sheogorath wrote:<original posting and tail query>

Providing a brief outline/explanation of the situation would really help put the material into context for those who don't know the setup. I don't recall all the details, but at least have a general picture. I'm sorry I've not yet been able to give your work a proper review like you've asked.

As for tails, that's a little tricky. Firstly, it's impossible to tell for certain if a player's got a tail in FS unless you're looking for a specific infection. I'm hoping that's what you're doing in this case. Even if you check if the 'tail of player is not ""', that's no guarantee, as some infections provide ass descriptions instead and others yield small tails or strange appendages unsuitable to your scene. For example, I doubt your scene would work with a bunny tail or a stubby doberman tail.

As for what to call it, try to phrase your sentences so you can use 'it' instead. If you keep your paragraph focused and flowing consistently, then it will allow the player to keep 'it' in context to be their tail. Stuff like: "Taking your tail in her paws, she strokes and caresses it with a purr. Her velveted paws run along it in gentle strokes before resting it between her furry breasts. And then, when she presses her tits around it, she grins and gives a teasing lick across its tip. She rubs them against it slowly while continuing to lick, teasing it as if it were a cock getting a titty fuck."

You see, since 'it' is kept in context, there's no need to constantly come up with new synonyms for 'tail'. And I even switched to 'them' instead of using another of the myriad synonyms for 'breasts' while I was at it. Similarly, once you establish the situation, you can also use 'you' as it is happening to the player. The reader's mind will know it's specifically 'your tail', but that's still part of 'you'. Given the nature of the scene, this could sometimes be confusing, so it'll depend on how you set things up and exactly what she's doing to the tail.

Despite what some writing guides say, it is not always writing sin to reuse a word a few times in a sentence, especially in cases where that word is the only real option. Tail does not come with many synonyms and they are mostly very contextual to the specific tail form. But, as shown above, the use of pronouns is the main way to resolve this. In cases where that's less effective and you want to have other options, you can either use 'appendage' or 'caudal appendage' or refer to the tail in a descriptive manner. In cases like that, think of 'fluffy tail', 'furry tail' and so on as your 'word'. It's not something you should do too often, but it should be enough to recenter focus on the tail when things get very active in your paragraph so the 'tail' can resume being 'it'.

For adjectives, you've got loads of options: 'fluffy tail', 'furry tail', 'scaly tail', 'whip-like tail', 'wiry tail', 'bottlebrush tail', '<colour> tail', 'twitching tail', etc... depending on the particular tail in question. Again, since you should know what tail you're dealing with, you should be able to describe it a couple of different manners. Again, if you don't know what specific tail you're talking about, I don't think you should really be doing such a scene in the first place.
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Re: Neophyte seeking review

Postby Sheogorath » Mon Feb 24, 2014 12:36 pm

Reviewing Only the lonely: Take your time strips; I know you're a busy tiger.

“Despite what some writing guides say, it is not always writing sin to reuse a word a few times in a sentence,”- Well that’s a huge load off my mind, since and I hope this doesn’t come across as trying to score pity points. I have been beating my head against a wall on this for last month try to edit these damn scenes.

A note on tail sex: There are two types of tail fucking scenes in my piece, mutual tail fucking and being tail fucked. Mutual requires people to have a tail on the tail weapon list or taur list. Being fucked does not require anything though. True, this could still cause some problems due the sheer verity of infections. Just thinking of the differences between an anthro shaft beast tail VS a dragon taur or Behemoth tail causes my brain to hurt. However this level of detail would be impractical in my view, so I keep my descriptions of the player’s tail rather vague, going only so far as to say Kathy can ride it. Which is why I’m using terms like fax member or improvised tool along with the occasional [player tail] flag. As in my mind, this provides people’s imagination enough leeway to fill in the slight gap. They should know what they’re ‘packing’ after all.
Blessed are the cheese makers.
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